To the Frustrated French Learner
An open letter to help you embrace compassion on your path to fluency and self-growth
My dearest friend,
I heard you’ve been learning French for a while and that you’ve been struggling with frustration lately. You’ve been feeling disconnected from the language and you haven’t seen the progress that you had hoped you’d see after so many efforts - you’ve been taking classes, had conversation with native tutors, followed countless instagram accounts, bought books and listened to podcasts for French learners.
You’ve bought the language books, done the exercices, watched the youtube tutorials. Yet, still today, you don’t feel confident when you speak French. You struggle with using the structures you’ve learned about. You have trouble with pronouncing the French sounds and understanding natives is really challenging. Self-doubt is taking over and you’re wondering if you will ever be fluent, if you will ever reach your goals. You’re wondering if this is for you.
The first thing I want to tell you, dear, is that I understand how you’re feeling. It sucks to feel stuck. Please know that it means nothing about you. Language learning can be a complex and nuanced journey, and it’s often influenced by many factors that are beyond our control. Fluency and intelligence are not synonymous, and the speed at which you learn a language does not determine your worth.
Sometimes, the traditional approach to language learning fails to consider your individuality as a learner, but also as a human being and the unique challenges you may face. Which is something that we don’t often speak about in the language industry: how our “inner game” plays significant role in our learning progress - or lack thereof. Past experiences, beliefs, and emotional barriers can unconsciously hinder our ability to absorb new information and make progress.
The second thing that you must know is that it’s not meant to be that hard.
Of course, learning a language does take time and patience, but contrary to the adage, it doesn’t have to be painful to be effective! In fact, I truly believe that it is pleasure and joy that will help you succeed.
When pleasure has a central place in your learning, you to gladly start practice with anticipation and excitement. And I don’t know about you, but to me, pleasure is hardly found in a grammar book or on flash cards.
This is where the disconnect is, because can you possibly connect with a language by concentrating only on what articulates it and without ever diving into its beauty, its melodies, its landscapes and idiosyncrasies.
If the language was a person, how would you ever be able to get to know them and fall in love with them if what you focus on is their bones, their muscles and the complexity of the cells in their organs?
It’s the soul that matters the most.
It’s the soul that you must connect to.
For that purpose, what I absolutely encourage you to do is to go back to why you started. What made you want to spend some time, years even with this language? What do you like about it? How do you feel when you are reading its poetry, when you listen to its songs, when you dance to its music? What will you be able to do when you’re fluent? Why does it matter to you?
And then stop, and observe what you’ve been doing so far. What are the things that have served you and those that haven’t? What are the activities that you have found pleasant and helpful? What are those that you have been dragging yourself to do and that haven’t helped you much? If it doesn’t work and someone told you it should work, it’s not necessarily because you’re doing it wrong. It may be because it’s not right for you. So, stop whatever you have been doing so far that hasn’t worked out for you. Yes, it is that simple.
Lots of people are going to tell you that they are the experts of language learning theories, but you know what? The only expert on what will work with you, is you. Only you knows what brings you joy. You simply need to listen within. Just like happiness, language is an inside job.
Now that you have created some space, you can make up your own ritual. I use this word, ‘“ritual” because that’s what it should become: a sacred time for you and yourself.
Learning French can be so much more that what it’s been so far. Learning French can be your chance to get to know yourself better through the new window that it offers you. It shows you different parts of you. A different way of thinking, of perceiving the world and of perceiving yourself. And when you know who you are, it’s easy to bring yourself compassion and love, even when you make mistakes, even when you fail.
In order for French to become your beloved mirror, you must connect to its soul. Find where it is, find what inspires you : its music, its people, its history, its literature, its philosophy. Observe it, how the words connect and separate, the rhythms of its syllables. Observe you, the feelings that arise when you hear it, when you connect with it. Unlearn that you can only be “you” in one language, it is a lie. You are as plural as the world. Lose yourself in the pleasure of discovering yourself, with all your potential. That’s the path to making this foreign language your own.
With all my love,
Jessica.